American Express: Don’t Leave Home with It

To borrow a phrase that certainly didn’t work for the War on Drugs, when it comes to American Express, “Just Say No.”

Y’see, American Express is tricky.  They have this thing called Flexible Payments, which they will give you whether you ask for it or not, should they happen to decide that you’re a person who has a sterling record for paying his bills.  Only now, considering the world’s economic anemia, they have instituted a new program called “Responsible Lending,” which is nothing more than an excuse to cancel Flexible Payments for those people whose record has dropped a couple of rungs down from “sterling.”  (If you’re wondering how we know this, it’s not because the good folks over at American Express have canceled either of our Flexible Payments benefits or written either of us a threatening letter about our account.  Given our strong commitment to fiscal accountability, that could never happen and if it did, we would certainly be gracious and understanding and not write an irate blog about losing a service that we depended on to see us through the bad times.  Really.)

So, getting back to our objective of saving money in the current recession, the key with American Express, or any credit card company, is to stop paying those oppressive finance charges.  Why?  Because it’s irresponsible.  After all, isn’t coughing up finance charges kind of like dealing with The Mob?  And who short of Pacman Jones would want to do that?  “Finance Charge,” in the end, is just code for “the vigorish,” the outrageous charges a neighborhood loan shark adds on to the payback.  The only difference between Big Head Anthony and Amex is they have Ellen DeGeneres as their spokesperson and Ellen is funnier then Big Head Anthony.  But they both can and will hurt you if you don’t pony up.

In light of the above, (and not, we might add, in retaliation for anything they might have done to us regarding Flexible Payments) we are forthwith calling for a nationwide “American Express Card Snipping Day.”  To participate, simply cut your Amex card into several pieces and toss them into the nearest trash can.  In the end, this might be the most effective method of saving money with American Express, other than, of course, leaving home without it.