Money to Burn?

At six to eight dollars a pack for Joe Camels or Marlboro Reds, if you are still smoking cigarettes, the time has definitely come to stop. Think about it – emphysema, lung cancer or heart disease is one thing (actually it’s three things, but that’s how the expression goes), but thirty to forty dollars a week up in smoke is another. In the course of a year that’s over a thousand bucks for the perverse pleasure of drawing smoke into your lungs, something any five year old or professional fire fighter can tell you is not a good thing.  Yet it is not our place to offer advice on breaking death inducing habits.  There are plenty of other blogs for that (see www.breakingdeathinducinghabits.dot).  Our objective, the thing that gets us out of bed no later than 1:00 PM every afternoon, is to save you money.  Therefore, if you are still determined to draw carcinogens into your system, here’s a delivery method that will instantly cut costs.  Head out to the City Dump when they are burning trash (we’re almost certain there’s no admission charge) and breathe deeply.  Most likely you will get a month’s worth of poison within a few lungfuls.  Be careful not to inhale too much (Sorry, no guidelines.  Every person has their own toxic tolerance), you don’t want to die before you get home.  We fully realize that finding and getting to the dump may be somewhat inconvenient so before you start questioning the practicality of our concepts (nothing irritates us more) try this handy alternative.  Start a fire (backyard, courtyard or private hearth will do) and toss in several large Diet Coke plastic bottles. Inhale the noxious fumes and exhale luxuriously, making sure there’s a bucket nearby in case you puke.  True it doesn’t have the glamour of Bogie standing in the fog somewhere with a butt hanging off his lip, but at least you won’t be making RJ Reynolds any richer.